Yours Truly, Emma.. the unpredictable girl in her unpredictable little world..

After u tot that everything has been clarified between 2 people, life should be peaceful and all right. I guess yesterday was a really suay day for me.. meeting with difficult mbrs and also got locked out of the room as the security system is spoiled.



After KTV with Chwee Hui and gang, I went to meet him. He told me he is tired and wants to go home early. Fine so we went to his place and he fetch me home at ard 10.20pm. I was home waiting for him to safely reach home but after a long while i still did not hear anything from him. I got worried and called him on his cell. The background is noisy and i was a little surprised tho due to the fact that he told me he was tired.



He told me he going supper to Bedok with his friends. So i asked who. He told me Thomas.. yea right was what i was thinking. Thomas stays around his place and of all places he wants to go to bedok to eat. He told me he has got something to pass to him and I remember very clearly that he did not bring anything out at that time. I got good memory when it comes to him.. sue me..



Of course i was angry.. he lied with his eyes wide open but i am not going to be like some stupid girls out there who got lied to and yet don't wanna do anything abt it... maybe u can say coz those girls trust their bfs.. lolx.. in the end when they get cheated i wonder who will get the last laugh. Of coz with me and my evil mind, not wanting to be like those girl, i asked for more information. Well i see nothing wrong to that.. I was the one being lied to. I deserve to know the truth. He told me his friend went to buy food. Nm i can wait.. i dun think his friend will take the whole night to buy a bowl of ba chor mee.



He also said he was with Ah boon.. haha Tts even better! i know ah boon i can talk to him.. After much pushing and poking my nose in, he confessed that he was with a girl.. his so call primary school mate, Cheryl. Whoeva that is i hate that name already. Yea so even if it is that cheryl, god knows if such a person actually exist. I was so mad and pissed. Imagine this..



Your loved ones going out for supper just the two of them in the middle of the night.. and worse he thinks its nothing wrong to do such a thing behind his gf's back. All he can say is to go out with her for a chat. If anyone happens to know my boi, no one will expect that from him.. No one ok.. not even myself.. that's the last thing in my mind. If its a guy its still alright for me tho its a lie but what's new.. this ain't da first time.. not even after a pact we made with each other. The usual excuse is he know i wun let him go out with other gers and that i will be upset. DUH! so fucking DUH i wish i could fuck someone's brains out.



I was so angry i asked him to go home immediately.. While talking to me.. he still can sound all nice and whateva.. well for his own face i guess.. not wanting others to know what kind of person he is. I am not like that if most if u guys know me, I say what i want and what i think. If i dare to do something, and its wrong, i face whateva i will have to.



I believed he talks to his friend regarding abt us before.. but hey who will be here to listen to my side of the story? Some people might think its nothing wrong if he goes out with a friend of another gender late at night just the 2 of them as long as they are just friends. What if he gets drunk, or seduced by a slut and the unthinkable happens. Yea yea yea, they always says what they know they are doing. Haha but being guys, as much as they deny that they are not sex or lust hunger creatures, temptations will still get in the way. So who will end up getting hurt most? Yours truely.



He always says that he will remember that i told him that i need someone to pamper me a lot. And to him everything I want him to do for me is just coz i want him to pamper me. e.g. hugging me, consoling me.. etc.. When i am sad, i got no one to hug to. We will stand at arm's length with him looking at me or waiting for me to cry finish den he talk. I will stand there and wait for him to console me but no action. I asked him.. if his gf is crying and all upset, he just stand there to watch and do nothing? I don't want to say out what's his reply before i get accused of putting words into his mouth again. He told me he scared that i will get violent.. ooh please.. if i really wanna hit him or punch his face out, I would have done it already and not wait for him to come close to pity me den take action. Ooh yea he was not the one who got pushed first so who's the one pting fingers.



So there you go.. If i need him to hug me or hold me close.. things like this i ask for, I am labeled as being demanding and spoiled. I am labeled demanding as the basic things i feel my guy should treat me is not there. I think he treats his friends better as he always tell me he needs to spare a tot for his friends but whose there to spare a tot for me?



I made him come all the way to my place.. Well since he is not tired to go out with another ger.. i believed he should be able to come down here. We talked and at first he was telling me he dunno if he still wants to cont be together.. He says he is v confused scared that i will still restrict his freedom to go out with other gers and that i should not stop him from doing what he wants.. WHY WHY WHY should i make myself stop him.. shouldn't he spare a tot for me and respect me not to do things to hurt me.. I am a girl.. which ger will not be jealous to know their boi is outside having fun with another ger.. yea maybe i wun be if i just treat him as my ATM machine or just a make out buddy. Wrong boi wrong.. i give my 100% to him but haha no guy will ever appreciates. and AS IF i am not afraid, to be lied to over and over again by him.. haha but den again, I can't even feel any guilt from him to feel that his sorry for lying..



I cry and cry and cry.. thanks to yan for being there to listen muakx. Maybe i am in the wrong.. wrong to give my all to a person who is not ready to commit and understand for me.. I talked to another of my friend and was told that i am not lack of suitors but she just dunno why i allow him to hurt me time and time again. I am sad that the person who claims to love me, CHOOSE to lie to me to tear my heart apart. Why dun he just rip me into pieces.. i think that would hurt less.



I still love him sad to say.. a lot.. so much i think i am a fucking nut to allow someone to treat me this way.. i believed he will change one day.. if not i will just get him a blown up sex doll as a gf.. someone who will nv ask for anything or stop him from ever going out and yet he can have the best time of his life.



Darling u might think its not nice of me to post this here but U know what has happened and this is the only THING i can tell to when i am upset or what.. I love you a lot..



I asked him if he minds that i wanna go out with a guy for supper so late alone.. he say he dun mind coz he knows i love him.. If i really do that will he still feel the same? I have not done that before u know.. and worse.. Can i make myself do that?? wo hui guo yi de qu ma? if u guys notice i have thanked a Da Wu Gui in one of my previous post.. he saw it and when we quarrel one night. He said.. since u so happy to talked to him den go find him la.. I can sense jealousy and can feel at least he cares..





If anyone think i am demanding while u know shit abt us, think twice. If ur guy/ger(if u have one) treats u like this someday and u will still let him be and not give a damn, I will be the one having the last laugh.. and a very good one too..