Yours Truly, Emma.. the unpredictable girl in her unpredictable little world..

My dream guy.. how should i describe him? Hmm.. let me see..



1) Firstly apprearance does matter but not to that extend. Pleasant looking to MY eyes would be just fine.. Does not need to look like Nick Carter or Prince William lol.



2) Must know how to give me a sense of security.. He needs to know how to protect me and encourage me in everything i do. To lend me a listening ear and not to critise me on everything tat i do or say thinks like, "yah la u always think u are the best la".



3) Able to spend quality time with me - Look! i said quality ok not quantity. I believe that if u really love someone, you will be happy to spend time with each other all the time and not go like, "I do not have to spend all my time with you"



4) To be there whenever he can to stand by me and not leave me alone to bear all the hurt and pressure alone. It is very important. I am a girl so as to say i do not wish to bear all the things alone if i have a so call boyfriend but all he does is to stand there and watch.



5) That i am the prettiest and of coz the best in his eyes.. If i love someone, I will love him for all the good things and accept his bad points. Even if it is bad, i will try to look at it in a good way. I will not say things to put him down.. unless he did it to me first of coz haha..



6) Never To flirt with other girls or to lie to me.. I don't care what the lie is about but a lie is still a lie. Don't give me crap like, "ooh if i tell u u confirm will anyhow think or be angry." Fuck it.. if i know it before u tell me, i make sure i will show u the worst of me.



7) Never let other people.. anyone! to bad mouth me and sit there and laugh along with them. Worse, to add more oil to the fire.



8) Most importantly, to love me with all his heart.



Why am i saying all these? I also dunno.. I just feel sad that out of the eight things that i have mentioned, only 3-4 is what i have.. I have already tried my best to fufil all eight of the things that i mentioned on my part.



Everytime i think about it, i will cry.. tears will just flow outta my eyes.. it sux.. Many people might think i am lucky that at least i did have something outta the 8 things but hey if u were to get a guy only 3/8 of the things u have mentioned, would i still consider him as the one for u? Am i still lying to myself that things will eventually turn out better? I really have no idea. I am really pinning all my hopes on it.



You know what's worse? lying to myself that things that i think are not true.. and that its all my fault.. that i am demanding.. but think abt it again.. i won't be if i have at least a bit of what i want. I would not think that way until SOMEONE said that i was demanding. Who the hell are u to label me that? do u even know me well? do you even know what's happening in my relationship? Don't think you will know everything just coz u see us often.. no you don't so STFU..



No one will know how it feels that when i need someone to talk to.. all i get is that i love to complain so much and that i always think i am right. Or that when i need someone to stand by me, he just disappears to one corner and i have to bear all the pressure myself. To be lied to and yet forgive coz your love is too strong.. Someone to tell you that he will company u to watch a certain programme but end up watching alone while he is playing his stupid game or just idling in front of the com..



Life is short.. I will spend my life to the fullest.. not to be some coward to let others step on my head. I know i am confident about myself and i am able to stand up for myself.. But i have my vunerable side too..



At times outta no reason i just start to cry.. i am starting to feel that i am really pathetic..