Baby I love you and i'll never let you go

But if I have to boy I think that you should know

All the love we make can never be erase

And i promise you that you will never be replaced



I love you yes i do

I'll be with you as long as you want me too

Until the end of time

From the day I met you

I know we've be together

And now I know I wanna be with you forever

I wanna marry you and i wanna have your kids

Thinking never compare to feel enough to kisses

I can say i'm truly happy to the same

You've made me think I'll die and live my life hesitate

There's never been no doubt in my mind

That i'll regret ever having you by my side

But if the day come that i'll have to let you go

I think that something I should probadly let you know

With everything that i spent with you

Then i will miss you cuz i'm happy that i have you at all

So sweet.. got this from some girl's blog!



If you see me walking the road with someone else,

It's not because I like his accompany...

Its because you're not brave enough to walk beside me.



If you hear me talking about him all the time

Its not because he pleases me

Its because you're too deaf to hear my heartbeat



If you feel me falling with someone new

Its not because I love him..

But because you're not there to catch me fall



If you feel lost, I too am nowhere

I too don't know where the road is going

Are we gonna cross each other's path

Or just completely turn around?..



Will we just let go of what we had

Or go to the place where love is bound



Don't let me walk with him,

It's you I want to walk with..



Don't let me talk of him,

it's you I want to talk with..



Don't let me fall for him,

It's you I want to fall in love with..





"HOW DID THE GUY REPLY?"



When you thought I wasn't brave enough to walk beside you

I was behind you every step of the way



Still filled with awe because of the beauty that stand before me



When you thought I was too deaf to hear your heartbeat

I didn't want to assume anything

And I was afraid to lose our friendship



When you thought I wasn't there to catch you,

It was because you never gave me the chance



You never reached the bottom,

you've already grabbed a branch



If you feel like you are nowhere, I too am lost

I too don't know where the road is going



Are we just going to turn around,

Or are we gonna cross each other's path?



Will we just let go of what we had

Or go to the place where love is bound?



Don't let me walk alone

I want to walk by your side



Don't let me talk of something else

It's you I want to talk with



Don't let me fall for someone else

It's you I want to fall in love with..



WHEN I SAW YOU...

I WAS AFRAID TO TALK TO YOU...



WHEN I TALKED TO YOU...

I WAS AFRAID TO HOLD YOU...



WHEN I HOLD YOU...

I WAS AFRAID TO LOVE YOU...



NOW THAT I LOVE YOU ...

I'M AFRAID TO LOSE YOU...



SOMETIMES LOVE HURTS...

BUT IF IT DOESN'T HURT...



THEN IT ISN'T LOVE...



HOLD ON TO THE PERSON U LOVE...

BEFORE HE/SHE SLIPS AWAY...

AND U CAN NEVER GET HIM/HER BACK....

Message: 3 yrs ago..Kn n Angel was 2 lovely couple..

Kn was a full time SAF guy..who works all day n didn't haf sufficient time 2 be wif Angel..

So Angel offen pick up quarrels wif him due 2 tis..at e beginning of their relationship..dey promise each other dey wil buy gifts for each other every weekends..As dey promise each other..

Angel went 2 buy Army designed action figures 4 Kn coz Kn was in love wif tis kind of action figures..

N Kn..he wil always late for their date..yet he onli went 2 buy a ring 4 her..juz noting specially..nt designed RIng..

but at 1st..Angel loves tat ring althought it's simple..but aft a yr..Kn stil buys her e same ring..n Angel started 2 get sick of e RIng..

but she dun wish 2 tell Kn bout tis..2yrs ltr..

Kn called up Angel n wish 2 mit her for a tok..n Kn sound serious..

Tat night..

Kn: dear..

Angel: Yes..

Kn: i'm goin off soon..

Angel: to Where?!Kn: USA..

Angel: Y..watz That 4?

Kn: USA army ask our country 2 go ther n haf a exchange of Knowledge..

Angel: but y muz b u?!!

Kn: i oso nt sure but..tml i'm leaving..take tis...

Angel: tis again!! y u kip giving me tis STUPID ring..i dun wan tis(she pass back 2 kn)!!!

Kn:..(turn n walk away..)juz like tat..



Kn leaves..Angel went home n cried through out e nite..juz hope Kn wil gif her a call..but he didn't..till e nxt day..

Kn called n told her he is goin off soon..he at e airport..

but by e time Angel reach e airport..Kn..is no longer ther..

6months ltr...Angel was on her way back...she saw Kn..Kn approached her n pass her e RIng again..



Kn: dear..except it please..

Angel: ..(speechless n took e RIng..)

Kn: dear..pls...4get mi..

Angel: WHAT?!?!

Kn: .....(turned n walk off...)

Angel: Wait!!



Angel run towards where Kn goes off 2 chase for him but..he disappeared..Angel went home n called Kn's house but his parents say he's nt home yet..she hang up n went 2 sleep..

the image of Kn saying "4get me..pls.." kip on comin into Angel's mind..suddenly...her phone rings...

n she's being shocked 2 wake up..???:



??: Hello??

Angel: U r?????

??: I'm callin from American UnivesityHospital..

Angel: who u lookin 4?

Nurse: i'm looking for miss Angel..

Angel: I'm am..

Nurse: Erm..do u noe e guy who's name is Kn?

Angel: Ya..(wondering..)

Nurse: erm..sumting happen 2 him..he was on atrip n he met a accident..a broken treebroke off n hits directly on him..

Angel: How is he now?!?!?(crying..)

Nurse: Miss..pls relax n cool down..i'm sad 2 tell utat....He's DEAD..

Angel: No!..It can't be!!..i juz saw him!!..can i noewat time is his death?Nurse: 2 hrs ago..

Angel: No!!..it's imposible!!!(Angel hang up ephone..)



Angel cant believe it..she cried n cried till her eyes sore n her tear from tears..become bleeds..she can't take tis news..days pass..she been not eating..slpin..or even rest..but juz cry...

she lock herself up in her room..n she went 2 took all those RIng that Kn bought 4 her..her observe n looks around at all e ring..sunndenly..she realise..inside every diamond..there's a words..

She took out all the ring den she realise she gt she gt 25 diamond ring..look carefuly..

she realise..all those ring forms up a sentence..she reads out.."Angel..I..Love..U..Pls..Be..Wif..Me..4eve"..she felt strange..

it's nt complete..suddenly..she rmb e last ring tat Kn pass her..she took out frm her pocket n.. read.. "Angel..I..Love..U..Pls..Be..Wif..Me..4ever" ..she start 2 cry again..

Actually..kn was late 4 their date is becoz he nid 2 rush aft his work n go n get tis designed RIng..n Angel doesn't noe bout it..

kn is able 2 pass Angel e last ring..it's nt him..but his soul..



pls post it out within 5 mins n ur TRUE love will b e nxt person who contact u..1 of ur fren..

HELLO!!!! anyone miss me???? Its been long eh?? Actually to tell u the truth I lost my memory for 2 weeks and got back my memory today only that's why i remember i do own a blog.... haha kidding! ok so not funny right..



Life these few days sux! I dunno why but i am still contented.. I have something to confess. I am in love! with a phone that is.. and tts the Samsung E800C Rose Pink Limited Edition phone! but ex le.. hehehehehe but think will be getting it la..

Take a look at the pix.. too bad its not mine yet







Come la let me update you on some new pix of mine! I'll try to think of more things to blog nowadays haha!

Me in my kimono tt i wore during Dinner and Dance.. if i got more i will post later!

Its been a long time since i blogged... ooh well firstly i have to say i had a very very busy time lolx.. Oooh well last thursday which happen to be the 25/11/2004, I attended Charlene's wedding at Pan Pacific Hotel. Ooh what a night and needless to say i enjoyed myself laughing the whole night with Winnie Tong.. Well we realised we can really click as we laugh the whole night long.. teasing each other..



Ooh well.. haha Charlene look gorgeous! wow.. well she always look good. So slim and pretty.. Catherine Kang was like saying how come her wedding photos she dun look so slim and in real life she is like so thin.. Den i was like going.. OMG!! den how! if i ever have to take wedding photos i will look blardy fat in them! haha dun need get married le or married dun take pix le :( time to jian fei again as i feel i am putting on weight le.. hehe..



On Saturday, which is yesterday, I went for CPF Board's world fiesta Dinner and Dance! WoOo what a time i had..as usual attracting lots of attention from the crowd as i wore a very cute kimono. bleah! haha



WoopS! just went to watch The Incredibles! Jack-Jack is so cute!!!!! but scary in the end haha love him so much! muakx

Wow what i day i had on today...



last night i went ktv with the poly gang.. as usual sang a lot.. we sing till 2am and i took a cab home alone after tt to catch some beauty sleep!



Force myself to wake up at 7am as i will be heading to the Singapore Indoor Stadium for a City Harvest Church event. Haha first time i've been to one of their events and i must say it is a rather fruitful experience for me. Went there in a cab coz as usual I will be late.. meet GuanSiang there at abt 9.15am. His so sweet.. buy for me breakfast and drink also.. haha.. Wow i din expect such a huge crowd.. I am damn tired due to lack of sleep but seeing so many people sorta get me excited haha..



Well got introduced to GuanSiang's friends and I get to know a few nice people.. ok now let me get to the worshipping part.. Although before the whole event started, I was asked by a few others if i will be scared as they will be rather hyper when the service starts. Also they will be speaking in tongues - i guess tts how its spelled. I have never seen it before but i guess i am alright with it. I am not scared tho coz deep inside i know how they feel.. its their form of praising the lord.. Coming from a presbyterian primary sch taught a few things... Also their songs are damn great! I love it a lot.. i can't help to say i feel touched to see how much they can feel and the faith they have in god..



Ok move on.. me got to know GuanSiang's close fren.. a couple in fact.. Zhi yun and ShuLing.. i dunno if i got the right spelling haha.. Well went ktv with Guansiang, Zhiyun, Shuling and GuanSiang's brother, Aaron.. Have lots of fun! again! ktv! hahahaha i am mad..



Guan Siang is sick.. poor thing but yet he insisted on companying me... Well I went to buy him different packets of cough drops as i dunno which will work better for him.. Well his always nice to me ma so I am sure he deserve me treating him nice too...



After that he insist on sending me home.. his face so red le and was coughing.. I see le i also -.-" haikx so i brought him to the chinese medical shop at Junction 8 basement 1 and bought him a bottle of Anti-cough herbal tea.. he drank it haha good boy! still scared he will not recover well, i dragged him to NTUC and bought him a bottle or Woods peppermint and a new box of Panadol for flu and cough powder drink - dunno what's tt but its lemon flavour...



I know his very touched liao coz i can see it in his eyes... haha but den its like of all the guys i know, even like last time as a normal friend only who i know for 1/2 a yr like tt in CPF, his already very nice... He did a lot of things to make me touched too.. Thanks for being such a friend all these times..



example.. I just trimmed my fringe as it was below eye level already.. the next day i went out with him and my other colleagues.. he looked at me and say.. eeh u cut ur fringe.. well the girls were like.. got meh.. no diff le.. they dun even know how long my fringe was like last time.. or like today.. I have not worn an anklet since 2 months ago.. and today i just put on my new ankle, which was partially hidden in my sock, he noticed and ask me since when i wore an anklet.. haha these may seem to be little things that may not seem impt but most guys just simply can't be bothered abt such stuff at all...



On the other hand.. i am scared that i treat him or simply any guy too nice and get taken for granted again.. yes i know i am demanding and unreasonable.. blah but some of them gotta agree on how nice and caring i am to my ex bfs.. I remember when kenny was in PA during his training, every wed i will rush home from work at 5pm from Jurong and cook his favourite dishes for him to come to my house to eat at 7pm. Or that in the weekends i will go to his house and make desserts for him and his family.. But by doing all these.. does anyone appreciate? ooh well..



Anyway happy bday to ya Chia Hui.. May you stay happy everyday!

Argh... these few days, i am aiming to get myself an mp3 player! I want wan!! argh...



spoke to some of my frens.. guys and girls.. some of the guys tell me.. too bad u are not my gf.. if not i will buy for you (oei if u think u are tt guy, I may not be saying u ok coz there are quite a number to name)... Well.. Madness.. be someone's gf just to get a gift? tts a pretty big joke to me..



I know if Kenny and I were still together, he will buy for me.. Of coz.. he dotes on me a lot as usual..



Its ok i can get my own mp3 player.. hehe..



talking about buying stuff, I have frens around me that everything the want, they would have someone (bfs or just guys chasing after them) to pay for their stuff. And like for now, i dun expect a guy to do that for me, they will tell me that its the guy's "job." If not that guy's like not very MAN or something.. Den i will go like huh? I have not tot tt way.. If i have a bf who i love very much and he buys things for me, I will be very happy coz I know he loves me that's why he care to spend on me. But if its other guys.. or simply guys who are just chasing me, i really dun expect much..



I'll blab more abt myself in the next post or something.. Zzzz by the way.. Happy 21st Birthday Paul! Sorry but i am not able to spend ur bday with u.. as usual.. *ahem* something crops up! Big boy le.. must learn to start to think le.. treasure ur relationship with ya girl.. tts all i got to say!

Never say goodbye, if you still want to try. Never give up if you feel you can go on. Never say you don't love a person, if you can't let go,promises can be broken just as quickly as they were made and sometimes goodbyes really are forever

4/11/2004



*winkx*

Its been long since i have last updated.. lots of things happening to me for these few days.. good and bad hehe



now v confused abt a lot of things.. all my thoughts and emotionals all mixed up already

haikx sux man

I have good news.. for myself at least.. just now i went to msg a fren, eddy or cappy. Got to know from him that he and his gal Candy, just got back together. Guess although his career is impt to him, he found out he can handle both and really wanna be with her. I am really happy for her.. seriously.. coz i know she can relate to what is happening to me now.. Although now that she has her happy life back, I am 100% behind her supporting her and be real happy. Well if i can't be happy, at least she is.. Good for you girl to be able to be with the one u love.



Today went to sing KTV with sharon.. sang a few new songs.. Sang Yue Guang.. well its the only chinese song i can sing properly, as well as Liang Jing Ru usual songs.. haha well hehehee... Well i shall learn the more popular chinese songs as recommanded and sing.. so i wun be left out in future.. tho my chinese pronounciation sux and my knowledge of reading chinese is limited but its not going to stop me!



well we sang An Jing by Jay Chou. I sing le i feel v sad.. coz the last sentence says something like.. I will learn to let go.. becoz i really love you so.. Den upon singing tt sentence, i feel all @#$@#$ again..

Its been days since i blogged..



well yesterday went out for a while.. with the usual gang of friends..



Got to know a new friend. All thanks to Calvin hor.. and Sharon too.. haha coz of the movie tt day.. Well well its surprising but duh it happened... u guys know what i am saying..



Went walk walk and shop shop today.. Saw da Gundam Wing figurine.. but he told me he dun want it le.. ooh well.. too bad den tot i could surprise him or something..



I am thinking too much.. Can't help it..



I was telling a fren how much i wanna settle down with someone i love.. and whose tt? i dunno.. old liao... must have career and a good relationship.. also must be v supportive of my love one's career and feelings..



ooh god.. please take this pain away from me... u dunno how much i am suffering... I have never experience this kind of pain before.. and to think it is actually for my own good? i wish.



I pricked my finger today.. a lot of blood.. i scare myself even haikx.. silly me i guess

today i walked past the mrt exit behind wisma.. den something came up to my mind again..

on 5/9/2004, something happened there... i asked him a qns.. does he want me to be his mrs cheong.. he said yes.. and ask me not to leave him..

and now this happens.. sobx..



i cried like fuck again.. i cried till i vomit..



wtf is wrong with me man..



today i did it again.. i managed to piss him off once again.. I damn pro right? everything i do is wrong lo.. EVERYTHING.. all my fault again.. sighx.. sorry..



as days past, my health is getting worst.. I can feel it myself even but i can't seem to stop it.. of coz i am worried but there are other pains tt cuts deeper into my heart..



baby come back.. won't u please come back.. hold me tight.. forever....

hmm.. i woke up today and went to the doctor to get MC. ooh well after which danz wanted to meet me up for movie but due to unforeseen circumstances, i am unable to go.



Morning i sms Uncle Vincent(kenny's daddy) to congratulate him on striking 4D yesterday.. haha wished him more luck and wealth to come also.. and he gave me a reply, "thank you my dear" and that really made my day.. he never failed to make me feel warm and comfy as if i was a part of the family when i was with kenny.. And till now with replies like this makes me feel blessed all over again.. Well actually i really love his family a lot.. everyone of them.. from his grandma, his sis, to his niece. When they have family gathering i will try to chat up and play with most of them also. I really miss all of them a lot.. When we first got together, i know his a v fillial son and wants to take care of his parents and live with them, well i respect him a lot for that and grew to love his parents as i want to take care of them together with him.. maybe some might think i am silly eh to think abt such things at this age but hey... there is always a dating period right.. at least i know what i want in life.



Judging from things and from what i heard i guess he is really stressed out due to work.. Hope he gets better soon.. and not overworked himself too much..



hmm.. anyway i just read something interesting today.. its.. sensual dancing classes.. in the class, you will learn:

- how to dress up, what to wear

- how to move and dance in the sensual and erotic way

- how to show off and learn 'seductive clothing removal' (striptease la!)

- how to act and pose as an elegant and graceful lady yet seductive

- how to treat your partner, give surprises and seduce him all over again

- dance with confidence and feel comfortable and joyous about yourself

- stretching for extreme flexibility

- body isolation and floorwork



sensual dance is designed for women to empower thermselves by learning to let go of their negative body image and getting in touch with their erotic and sensual inner goddness. this class is for all women who want to express their sensuality and share it with their partner.



haha got this from some forum.. when people read this it might sound slutty but it sounds quite fun to me.. can hang ard to know more girls also.. seems fun.. waiting for some other girls to form a grp so we can go together. Ooh well i know i know.. got no partner to surprise to but i am doing this for myself what.. maybe can go there learn a new moves.. lose some weight also.. bleah...

This is for you..



I'm not a perfect person

There's many things I wish I didn't do

But I continue learning

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you

It's something I must live with everyday

And all the pain I put you through

I wish that I could take it all away

And be the one who catches all your tears

That’s why i need you to hear



this expresses all that i feel and wanna say man.. rocks right haha.. true enough i am not a perfect person but i know deep in the heart is what is matters



er.. just spoke to daniel in msn just now.. I was telling him maybe one day he will get back with his girl.. and he was telling me maybe one day i might get back with kenny too.. i have to face da reality man.. daniel says maybe his job is making him all stressed out that's why he is being like this.. ooh well.. what can i do? nothing.. if his happier without me.. den i just have to let go.. i hold on to him he might find me irritating right? no matter how much it hurts.. he told me i have to move on.. i will try.. moving on with a heavy and broken heart that's all.. afterall its been 1 yr of sweet relationship we had.. i still love him a lot.. love him to bits.. ooh whateva..

hmm.. Well i had a v v busy weekend man.. On friday, i met sharon for ktv.. we sang so much.. but i only managed to sing well at the last hour.. damn.. lolx.. den after ktv, we so siao we decided to watch midnight.. yawnx.. i reached home at 3am ok.. I am so tired..



woke up at 7am for work.. after work ends at 1 i went KTV with my colleagues.. danz came along with me as he told me its his bday on sunday and ask me if i wanna go out for dinner with him.. well of coz.. we've been friends for so long haha.. Well he still sings as good tho seriously.. kinda miss those days he sings to me over the phone..



Well he surprised me with a nice dinner in a cable car! wow nice right.. sky dinning lolx.. i was worried i would get kinda sick after that tho.. haha but overall the dinner's great.. had a great time with a great view too.. hehe as u can see from da pics below..



tts so sweet of him eh?



anyway some of my friends approach me to ask me why i wanna slim down for him.. erm.. nope.. its not for him and the surprise definitely ain't me slimming down.. i know kenny.. looks isn't a concern to him.. I am slimming down for myself man.. I wanna look good.. as for his surprise.. just wait and see eh? lolx..



anyway i was very sick sunday morning.. got fever.. vomit and whole body aching..

argh.. working again tml! see ya peeps

this is daniel haha he look so happy right? of coz man! bday boy le..

me in the cable car!

This is the starter dish.. prawn salad with lobster soup.. yummy!

Today is suppose to be a special day for me.. for us that is.. sighx..



if onli he remember.. and i can say happy anniversary to u my dearest..





i just went jogging just now.. it was very dark but i have to keep up with my plan..



I shall cont with my surprise for him.. lala love him lots..

I'll be waiting for you.. here inside my heart.. i'm the one who wants to love you more...



I'll be here waiting.. meanwhile i have something special for him.. made by yours truely..



I'll just give him some time to think things thru.. since he wants some time...



hope everything's gonna be alright



*pray*



muakx

i mess things up again..



all i can say is that i am sorry...

I woke up v early in the morning today.. spend a v happy morning and afternoon..

I've nv felt happier when i am with him tho its just for a little while.. I am so not like last time.. where by i will demand more time and attention.. just a little while will do.. but i was told some things that i do not want to hear.. and i have to accept the fact..



I've decided to go.. unless he make me stay.. its like i dun mind waiting.. if he tells me to wait.. i will.. tts how strong my love is for him..



Talked to ah ger today.. she made me cry.. not that she bully me but its coz she said one thing to me.. "god takes away something frm u nt cuz he wans u to suffer, but becuz he has something even better installed for u ...u may nt see it nw bt in future u will realise it was for ur own gd." I know what she mean by that.. but i am contented with what i have with him.. i really do.. he told me he has no confident to be a good bf.. but den again i do not think i am a good gf too.. but i have to pluck up all my courage to let him know how much i wanna still be with him..



She also told me "wat ever u do...wat ever it take watever ur decision u can count on me... i will be there... even if u choose to wait for him i'll support u alrite?" Thanks babe.. everyone is telling me to give up but no one actually know how much i still wanna wait for him.. call me silly but if u are my fren u should know i have never love someone more den i love him... all of u can see the happiness in my eyes everytime i talk abt him.. he brightens up my life..



I sound pathetic i know... but den again.. haikx...



I also need to confess something.. through out all of these.. i have hurt someone in the process.. thats alvin.. i am sorry.. but i dun think anyone can replace kenny in my heart.. its not u are not good enough for me or whatever.. its just that no one is as good as kenny.. Kenny told me if a better one comes along the way, go for it.. but after much consideration.. I have never felt happier with anyone but him.. so i wish u go back to her.. please.. give her a chance.. as i always say now is the yellow ribbon campaign.. everyone deserves a second chance... why not her.. I need a second chance but was not given one.. i dun wanna see another person ending up like me.. I know people can change.. coz i did.. she may too..



I wish to be given a second chance too.. I wish you luck.. wish me luck too...

As the lyrics goes... when u love someone.. u need to be brave.. you need courage. Its true.. why give up so easily? sighx.. to my lovely friends, please treasure the ones that you love.. don't give up on them easily.. coz u'll nv know how much u will hurt the other party when u do that..



Recently i got to know a couple.. and from what i see.. I can see the old me in the guy's gf.. unreasonable.. demanding.. u name it.. I was thinking to myself.. Wow.. so this was how i was.. poor thing.. I realised what i did and was terribly upset why did i ever treat kenny this way.. If only i am given a second chance.. i will treasure kenny and love him to bits..



everyone makes mistakes.. but all the need is another chance..

zi xuan.. the guy on da extreme left.. one of my closest friend.. his going NS on thursday.. i think i am going to cry again like i cried when CB go NS. sobx.. xuanxuan.. u were always there when i need you.. i will nag and nag but u always listen.. ur hair will be gone too.. sobx.. heng i meeting him tml if not i really v sad...



His the few friends i have that really accepts me for the way i am.. I will miss u dude.. will nv forget the times when i need u and immediately u will come and help me.. or when i lonely u will go out with me... sighx.. thanks for being such a friend..



anyway.. i think i am going to wait for kenny.. meanwhile be single first.. i wun wanna be unfair to any other guys.. and i realli love kenny a lot.. recently see a lot of friends experience things that i have gone thru.. but hang on to ur love ones.. dun give up.. things will work out.. coz u will nv know how much u hurt the other by giving up..

Today is a rather fruitful day...



Well work sucks as usual.. i am getting more and more not serious about this job anymore.. well haikx every since the break up, everything seems a little pointless to me..



I am suppose to meet sharon and Zhen Hui for KTV at night, but we went to eat sakae and shop again instead.. lolx its v fun loh we took a lot of pix with ZH digi cam.. haha but have to wait for her to upload da pics first.. I bought a pair of Giordano Jeans and I can finally fit into a small size jeans ok.. its realli a proud moment for me..



Then while shopping, i received a call from Alvin.. He told me he is on his way to the north part of the island and ask me if i want a ride home.. Haha this is the first time i rode on a bike.. pretty exciting i must say.. and his real nice to offer to come fetch me too.. I must say i really enjoy the ride a lot with the wind blowing in my face.. Thanks dude for being there for me.. i hope u work things out with her.. must treasure all ya moments together.. i wanna say this as i lost someone i love a lot.. and i dun wish to see u in this state later..



anyway.. adrian asked me to eat lunch with him tml.. gotta pull wendy along.. damn alvin.. dun wanna follow.. argh...



Miss you still.. a lot a lot a lot.. love ya too.. a lot a lot a lot..

I am seriously considering the overseas attachment..



leave all da sad memories behind..

sweet!

cute not!

our funny faces

I can't be anything but just a good friend to you now..

Went out with sharon yesterday.. I may seem happy but actually i am very hurt inside... All the time i was thinking about him.. more pics up later

I wanna apologise to all that i have been irritating these few days..



people like Sharon, Pekyu, and Kenny's parents...



some people might not realise what pain i am going thru.. not when u know u really wanna settle down with someone and yet that person reject u big time.. Its like they first accept you and slap u right back into ur face to say they suddenly don't wanna be with u... I may irritate but the hurt in my heart can nv be compared to anything..



I also wanna apologise to Kenny as i know i irritate him a lot with my truthful feelings about him.. I know he can bear to put everything down but i can't... I don't think i ever wanna get married.. coz the person i wish to be with don't even think i deserve a chance iregardless how much i feel for him.. All he can think of is him wanting to be single..



i will still wear the ring he gave me as a pledge of our love... its v precious to me



I have had my fair share of bfs.. i know whats serious and what's not.. Kenny taught me a lot of things.. how to learn to forgive and forget and accept others the way they are.. well i learned but maybe some things are not able to forget and forgive just like he can't give me another chance..



What i can give, i already gave.. and i can't take back some of the things i gave also.. It will always be his.. I have given him my heart.. He will always remain in a special place in my heart..



I must stand up and be strong.. i must try.. people think i can coz they think i am brave and strong but i am not.. Coz Kenny has always been the one giving me the security and support that i need..



I will force myself to stop irritating him.. yes force myself.. for him.. coz its what he wants.. even as i typed this i cry.. one year.. one year of love for each other..



but there's no looking back already.. will i look back and regret this day that i nv treasure Kenny? Yes i will always regret.. tho i know he may not regret losing me.. but deep inside me i know.. i will always be waiting for him to come back to my life.. I really love ya so..

He told me the truth.. but its too painful for me to accept..



reality hurts i know but i still love him so much leh



i realli wanna wait for him one u know.. sighx



why he dun wanna give me a chance to prove myself to him..

I am still v heart broken..



kenny i know u still feel something for me.. it may not be a lot but i know we can work things out..



I will wait for u dear.. till u are ready again loh...



love you always

MY Kenny..



What i love about you :

I don't deny you are cute, U may not be tall very rich but everything

else falls into place nicely

You have a mind of your own, although u always can't decide but NOW i

know its because u respect me and want to let me do things that i will

be happy instead

You have a kind heart, i know.. u always tell me to care about how

others feel and to forgive and forget and give people chances.

You always lend a helping hand to your friends.. that's why everyone

loves u so much





What i dun like abt you :

Stubborn - just like how stubborn you are now not wanting to get back with

each other just coz u tot abt it and u think its the best for us.

Nothing much.. just love u the way u are I swear



06/09/2003 :

I'll never forget the day you ask me to be yours...



Our Love Story

Basically one night a guy by the nick Iori0_0 msg me. I dunno who that was

so i just talk a bit. After a bit of intro, we started chatting..(after a

while he told me he msg the wrong princess.. kns right!! but den again if

not we wun know each other at all) at tt time, i got to know his friend

Ron,

and tt time ron was always teasing us. Ron send me a pic of kenny with his

friends and i was like "ooh ok.. i see him b4 but dunno who" lol..



At times we tot of meeting but den he always wake up late or something

would

crop up.. i grew tired and dun wan meet liao, but den duno why we

eventually

met one day. At first i was rather scared of him becoz he seem so quiet

machiam got zi bi zheng.. but den he still got talk to me la.. hehe..



Ever since the first time we met, he would come and pick me up from work

every day. He would buy watermelon or ice cream for me sometimes.. but the

whole cup of ice cream, i would only get to eat one small bit coz all melt

liao haha.. at that time i was very happy as everyday after a tough day at

work, i would open the door and see him smiling at me to pick me up after

work.



We went a lot of places during our one month of dating.. trying every damn

restaurant in town coz when he go NS, he would not get to each good food

liao.. we had our funny moments like how to chilli bottle in Kenny Rogers

just simply would not let us pour out the chilli sauce. Or the silly

moments

when he ask me to be his gf but i always say i not interested to have bf..



Ohh well i think i really did give him a tough time den.. tho at tt time a

few other guys were also going after me, he is the one that i picked

eventually.. right dear? me ya prized possession eh? lol



The day he go NS, i cried.. tho at tt time i was not his gf, i did feel v

upset. Its like when i open the door when i knock off from work, there was

no warm and familar face there to pick me up or to cheer me up. I met my

friends tt day and i also cried in front of them.. ooh well me cry baby..



The morning he go NS, he also fetch me to BK eat breakfast den bring me to

office. I really can't bear to let go.. realising tt he really did affect

my

feelings. I was v confused at tt time but at that moment my mind was really



cleared.. i do wanna be with him..



Ooh well the day after his bday, is the week when he first book out from

camp.. b4 tt day, he said to me he would ask me to be his gf again and hope



tt i would agree.. and i did! and boy was he happy.. so was i :)



just wanna say, "Dear altho sometimes we do not agree with each other,

remember what i say, if one give way the others must too. I love ya!"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

remember this story?

everytime i read this i cry



I told u that although i may not need u physically beside me but

emotionally i still need ur security..

no one has ever given me so much happiness that u have

I did a lot of "first time" things with u.. like eating Fish and Co, go on

holiday with each other,..

These may seem to be little things to you but think abt all the happy times

we have spent together.. The times we laugh and cry with each other...

the times u fetch me for movie and eat fish and Co after tt at jurong

point. On Valentine's day u surprised me with the flowers.. No one has ever

done that for me.. only you..



Everytime we quarrel, I was never selfish to my own feelings. I always let

and give each other a chance coz i know how much we mean to each other..

maybe u feel that u may not feel anything for me now coz u are still

stubborn and make urself hate and block me out to make way for your

friends..



I still need your emotional guide and support.. no one can give that to u

but me

You can have your friends i can have mind but at least i still have you..

You may think i am forcing you.. sobx.. why do i deserve this?



You want me to get on with my life just like you did.. but 1 yr.. waking up to hear your voice.. I wun leave u.. i dun

wanna leave u.. would u wan a ger who love u but yet is willing to live u

anytime? den tell me what love does tt person provide u with den..



u ask me to assume u love me.. but if tts the case i can assume prince

william is my husband.. tts not true.. i know part of you still love me..

tho it may not be that much but we can slowly build that up.. I wanna hate

u for doing this to me but my love for u exceeds this so much i hate myself

for not being able to stand up for myself..



You mentioned u are soft hearted den why now suddenly so hard hearted to

me.. xin hao tong hao tong.. what did i do to deserve all these.. if u say

i dun deserve den give me back my kenny.. gimme back the love that he has

showered me last time..



I know u are sick of hearing this.. I wish my heart is sick so it can just

stop beating for u too.. I wish depression can kill coz if so i wun be

feeling so bad now.. at least i feel nothing...



That's how much i love u my Kenny Cheong Chyuan Lih..



Love you so much,

PopCorn.



*This is the edited version i sent to him to tell him how impt he is to me*

Today was not a very good day for me..



First day i went to work without Kenny in my heart.. Its not i dun wan him there but he just dun wish to be..



I got so upset with whatever i do.. i talk to customers also feel like crying.. i got so depress i went to the doctor..



He told me that i am suffering from depression and gave me some anti-depress pills but warn me not to take so much as it is not good for health..



Kenny is a good bf and i waste my chance with him i feel so upset.. He doesn't want a second chance together.. he said not yet.. for now be friends.. i know what he meant but it really breaks my heart.. Yes i do have friends but its different.. Doesn't he know how hurtful it is even to be separated from the one u love?



I can do things on my own.. i dun need him to be there physically for me all the time already.. coz now i know as long as i know he still loves me, in my heart its enough.. Its the best thing for me...



I use to make him feel his not a good bf but now i realised i am den not the good gf.. he treat me with so much patience and care and concern but i din see that last time..



Now that i have finally realised what are his needs and wants, its too late coz he prefer to lead his single life.. Why can't he remember the very happy times we spend together.. He once told me nv to remember the sad things but remember the happy times but now.. why isn't he doing it den...



Empy told me that i am different from last time.. last time when i break with bfs, i wun be that upset... i let go easily but for kenny is different.. I more or less already got use to him being a part of me already.. building rapport with his family too... Coz i know i wanna settle down and i wanna settle down with him.. maybe he might hear le and feel scared to be commiting but i know his a responsible guy.. he has always been mature and takes care of his family well.. I know he is..



People may think we are still young why settle down so quickly.. i talked to his dad.. his dad told me u must be together first den make mistakes in order to learn.. den step by step learn what's the best way to live with each other.. it takes years to know.. Thats why after this mistake i have realli learn a lot...



Just now i went downstairs to give offerings and pray for us.. I prayed real hard for us and i am very sincere.. I know i am.. coz its what i really wish for..



Just hope he will give me a chance to show him that i wanna treat the one i love well and good.. i realli do..

I feel so miserable without him...



But i will try.. coz tts what he wants for me..



tho he nv considered what i wan, but i can't stop loving him..



i must give him time.. please give him time.. coz only time will tell...



I told him a secret that i have kept from him for a long time.. coz i scared i will have no more chance to do so already.. but i dun think it will help in anyway too..



just hope he knows what he has to do..

kenny finally broke off with me



he just throw our 1 yr relationship into the drain



i am so upset i wanna cry



my heart aches so much i feel like dying...



why must he be so heartless



he tot i was the one who sms ***** and threaten her..



but its not me..



before ******told him, everything was still fine between us.. why must something always spoil our lives...



i feel at my worst now..



i can't take it

i am not pinning too much hopes..



just wish that everything goes smoothly



*prays*

I think i know what's wrong with me... I think i am being too uptight! about practically over everything! It is as if Kenny stick something up my ass to make me feel so uncomfortable that i make a fuss over everything.. please do not! i repeat do not anyhow think ok.. wat stick here there...



anyway.. i am waiting for friday.. *cross my fingers*

hope i hear what i wanna hear if not I will be all alone again..

Ahh.. today is Kenny's bday...



He was having a bday party at his place last night.. I am so tired as he fetch me home at ard 5am in da morning.. I had lotsa fun i must say as i get to see a lot of people and of coz had a piece of delicious Swensen's Ice-Cream Cake.. Lucky boy.. it was shaped in a key.. guess it really did cost a lot..



Haha his parents gave him a Golden Key necklace which the chain looks so thick on him... like some big ah beng which is so funny becoz this is the first time i am seeing it on him.. Guess he has lotsa big ang pows too..



I also get to meet some of his friends.. even those from his TP.. glad at least one or some of them knows who the fuck i am... BTW yesterday some of their conversation talked abt the name ****, but the mention of her name already makes me sick.. Call me jealous.. sue me.. i dun care... He mentioned something that his friend like another gal and kenny's just helping... my dear is one big kpo matchmaker i guess.. just dun mismatch and match himself with some other girl b4 i make sure i chop his wee wee off.



Had a nice talk with Eunice and her friends.. Actually i find Eunice very interesting and a funny person.. She seems to have a lot of "ren yuan" well i wished i can be like that too haha and but be so dao at times to others...



Very happy that Kenny's grandmother was asking ard for me when she din see me.. wondering where was i and why i was not there... i was actually in da room with kenny's friends.. that really made my day.. at least she makes me feels that she even thought about me... :)



Today is his actual bday.. going to spend it with him.. guess i will bring him for chocolate fondue at Hagen Dazz.. yummy.. maybe a meal at jack's place too! hehe gotta go! before i am late as usual

After u tot that everything has been clarified between 2 people, life should be peaceful and all right. I guess yesterday was a really suay day for me.. meeting with difficult mbrs and also got locked out of the room as the security system is spoiled.



After KTV with Chwee Hui and gang, I went to meet him. He told me he is tired and wants to go home early. Fine so we went to his place and he fetch me home at ard 10.20pm. I was home waiting for him to safely reach home but after a long while i still did not hear anything from him. I got worried and called him on his cell. The background is noisy and i was a little surprised tho due to the fact that he told me he was tired.



He told me he going supper to Bedok with his friends. So i asked who. He told me Thomas.. yea right was what i was thinking. Thomas stays around his place and of all places he wants to go to bedok to eat. He told me he has got something to pass to him and I remember very clearly that he did not bring anything out at that time. I got good memory when it comes to him.. sue me..



Of course i was angry.. he lied with his eyes wide open but i am not going to be like some stupid girls out there who got lied to and yet don't wanna do anything abt it... maybe u can say coz those girls trust their bfs.. lolx.. in the end when they get cheated i wonder who will get the last laugh. Of coz with me and my evil mind, not wanting to be like those girl, i asked for more information. Well i see nothing wrong to that.. I was the one being lied to. I deserve to know the truth. He told me his friend went to buy food. Nm i can wait.. i dun think his friend will take the whole night to buy a bowl of ba chor mee.



He also said he was with Ah boon.. haha Tts even better! i know ah boon i can talk to him.. After much pushing and poking my nose in, he confessed that he was with a girl.. his so call primary school mate, Cheryl. Whoeva that is i hate that name already. Yea so even if it is that cheryl, god knows if such a person actually exist. I was so mad and pissed. Imagine this..



Your loved ones going out for supper just the two of them in the middle of the night.. and worse he thinks its nothing wrong to do such a thing behind his gf's back. All he can say is to go out with her for a chat. If anyone happens to know my boi, no one will expect that from him.. No one ok.. not even myself.. that's the last thing in my mind. If its a guy its still alright for me tho its a lie but what's new.. this ain't da first time.. not even after a pact we made with each other. The usual excuse is he know i wun let him go out with other gers and that i will be upset. DUH! so fucking DUH i wish i could fuck someone's brains out.



I was so angry i asked him to go home immediately.. While talking to me.. he still can sound all nice and whateva.. well for his own face i guess.. not wanting others to know what kind of person he is. I am not like that if most if u guys know me, I say what i want and what i think. If i dare to do something, and its wrong, i face whateva i will have to.



I believed he talks to his friend regarding abt us before.. but hey who will be here to listen to my side of the story? Some people might think its nothing wrong if he goes out with a friend of another gender late at night just the 2 of them as long as they are just friends. What if he gets drunk, or seduced by a slut and the unthinkable happens. Yea yea yea, they always says what they know they are doing. Haha but being guys, as much as they deny that they are not sex or lust hunger creatures, temptations will still get in the way. So who will end up getting hurt most? Yours truely.



He always says that he will remember that i told him that i need someone to pamper me a lot. And to him everything I want him to do for me is just coz i want him to pamper me. e.g. hugging me, consoling me.. etc.. When i am sad, i got no one to hug to. We will stand at arm's length with him looking at me or waiting for me to cry finish den he talk. I will stand there and wait for him to console me but no action. I asked him.. if his gf is crying and all upset, he just stand there to watch and do nothing? I don't want to say out what's his reply before i get accused of putting words into his mouth again. He told me he scared that i will get violent.. ooh please.. if i really wanna hit him or punch his face out, I would have done it already and not wait for him to come close to pity me den take action. Ooh yea he was not the one who got pushed first so who's the one pting fingers.



So there you go.. If i need him to hug me or hold me close.. things like this i ask for, I am labeled as being demanding and spoiled. I am labeled demanding as the basic things i feel my guy should treat me is not there. I think he treats his friends better as he always tell me he needs to spare a tot for his friends but whose there to spare a tot for me?



I made him come all the way to my place.. Well since he is not tired to go out with another ger.. i believed he should be able to come down here. We talked and at first he was telling me he dunno if he still wants to cont be together.. He says he is v confused scared that i will still restrict his freedom to go out with other gers and that i should not stop him from doing what he wants.. WHY WHY WHY should i make myself stop him.. shouldn't he spare a tot for me and respect me not to do things to hurt me.. I am a girl.. which ger will not be jealous to know their boi is outside having fun with another ger.. yea maybe i wun be if i just treat him as my ATM machine or just a make out buddy. Wrong boi wrong.. i give my 100% to him but haha no guy will ever appreciates. and AS IF i am not afraid, to be lied to over and over again by him.. haha but den again, I can't even feel any guilt from him to feel that his sorry for lying..



I cry and cry and cry.. thanks to yan for being there to listen muakx. Maybe i am in the wrong.. wrong to give my all to a person who is not ready to commit and understand for me.. I talked to another of my friend and was told that i am not lack of suitors but she just dunno why i allow him to hurt me time and time again. I am sad that the person who claims to love me, CHOOSE to lie to me to tear my heart apart. Why dun he just rip me into pieces.. i think that would hurt less.



I still love him sad to say.. a lot.. so much i think i am a fucking nut to allow someone to treat me this way.. i believed he will change one day.. if not i will just get him a blown up sex doll as a gf.. someone who will nv ask for anything or stop him from ever going out and yet he can have the best time of his life.



Darling u might think its not nice of me to post this here but U know what has happened and this is the only THING i can tell to when i am upset or what.. I love you a lot..



I asked him if he minds that i wanna go out with a guy for supper so late alone.. he say he dun mind coz he knows i love him.. If i really do that will he still feel the same? I have not done that before u know.. and worse.. Can i make myself do that?? wo hui guo yi de qu ma? if u guys notice i have thanked a Da Wu Gui in one of my previous post.. he saw it and when we quarrel one night. He said.. since u so happy to talked to him den go find him la.. I can sense jealousy and can feel at least he cares..





If anyone think i am demanding while u know shit abt us, think twice. If ur guy/ger(if u have one) treats u like this someday and u will still let him be and not give a damn, I will be the one having the last laugh.. and a very good one too..

Today i went to do my nails.. isn't it sweet???

Haha.. sometimes people ask me why the pic on da right and the pics i took are a little different.. well tts coz when i smile, i got v pinchable cheeks.. i can't help it.. so at times i prefer not to smile when i take pic.. so act cool.. no la actualli dun wanna show my fat cheeks onli lolx

A pic of me and cynthia taken in the call centre! she's real cute man..

haha can see part of my uniform???

me with the headphone and ooh.. my ooh so blardy messy hair...

hahahahaha i dun think so.. or else why would some people bad mouth me and stuff.. *puix*

it happened again.. why must this happen to me all the time.. these few days especially.



I have been made to wait all my life.. and i am still waiting...



It's been like that these few days.. if got go out for outing or anything, just coz 1 person dun wanna go, everything is cancelled and poor me, its damn upsetting for me..



Others treat me this way even my close ones..



I am feeling v hungry now again.. dun ask why please.. i ain't going to say anything b4 i get craps again.



*ps* some people have no originality at all.. what i have they must have.. what i did they must copy me.. shame on u.

Let me share with u guys a very touching story... seriously the last part actually applies a lot to me.. it is why i am what i am but no one understands..



-------------------------------------------

From the very beginning, girl's family objected strongly on her dating this guy, saying that it has got to do with family background, & that the girl will have to suffer for the rest of her life if she were to be with him.



Due to family pressure, the couple quarrelled very often. Though the girl loved the guy deeply, she always asked him: "How deep is your love for me?" As the guy is not good with his words, this often caused the girl to be very upset. With that & the family's pressure, the gal often vent her anger on him. As for him,.. he only endured it in silence.



After a couple of years, the guy finally graduated & decided to further his studies overseas. Before leaving, he proposed to the gal: "I'm not very good with words. But all I know is that I love you. If you allow me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life. As for your family, I'll try my best to talk them round. Will you marry me?" The girl agreed, & with the guy's determination, the family finally gave in & agreed to let them get married. So before he left, they got engaged. The gal went out to the working society, whereas the guy was overseas, continuing his studies. They sent their love through emails & phone calls. Though it was hard, but both never thought of giving up.



One day, while the gal was on her way to work, she was knocked down by a car that lost control. when she woke up, she saw her parents beside her bed. She realized that she was badly injured. Seeing her mum crying, she wanted to comfort her. But she realized that all that could come out of her mouth was just a sigh. she had lost her voice.... The doctors says that the impact on her brain has caused her to lose her voice. Listening to her parents' comfort, but with nothing coming out from her, she broke down. During the stay in hospital, besides silence cry,.. it's still just silence cry that accompanied her. Upon reaching home, everything seems to be the same. Except for the ringing tone of the phone. Which pierced into her heart everytime it rang.



She does not wish to let the guy know. & not wanting to be a burden to him, she wrote a letter to him saying that she does not wish to wait any longer. With that, she sent the ring back to him. In return, the guy sent millions & millions of reply, countless of phonecalls,.. all the gal could do, besides crying, is still crying.... The parents decided to move away, hoping that she could eventually forget everything & be happy.



With a new environment, the gal learn sign language started a new life. Telling herself everyday that she must forget the guy. One day, her friend came & told her that he's back. She asked her friend not to let him know what happened to her. Since then, there wasn't anymore news of him. A year has passed & her friend came with an envelope, containing a invitation card for the guy's wedding. the gal was shattered.



When she open the letter, she saw her name in it instead. When she was about to ask her friend what's going on, she saw the guy standing in front of her. He used sign language to tell her "I've spent a year to learn sign language. Just to let you know that I've not forgotten our promise. Let me have the chance to be your voice. I Love You." With that, he slipped the ring back into her finger. The gal finally smiled.



Treat every relationship as if it's the last one, then you'll know how to Give. Treat every moment as is it's the last day, then you'll know how to treasure. Treasure what you have right now, or else you will regret one day....



-------------------------------------



Well the story nice right... sad to say i always treat every of my relationship as if it is the last one.. not that i am scared i will get dumped or have the intention to break off with anyone but its that i will never know when i will lose them..



I got this off one of my poly friend's friendster details..



~~~~~

Love - isn't how much you can get, but how much you can give;

it's not about giving up, but holding on;

not about how you say, 'I love you,' but how you show it's true.

It is something far more precious, but something far more fragile.

Hold on to it too tightly and it will crumble in your fingers.

Hold it too loosely and the wind might blow it away and shatter it on the cold ground.

Listen to the voice in your heart but be absolutely sure the voice comes from your heart.

~~~~~



I think i dunno what's too tight or loose... or so it seems to be from what i know of..

i listened to my voice in my heart.. but it is hard to find someone who agrees with what my heart says...

Just came back from Mdm Wong.. really had a nice time with Sandy Mabel and Esther.. haha... happy hour and they drink so much.. As usual i stick to my Ribena! yummy...



very tired now.. yawnx...



Nite all..

Guys guys guys....



Today i suddenly got very pissed with a friend.. What's with guys nowadays.. getting old and all.. still only know how to look for girls by their looks only.. And den when the girls starts to dump them, all they can do is to be so sad and devastated. Come to think of it, they nv really ever get to know that girl.. sighx.. what the hell is wrong nowadays..



It's funny how two people can actually get together.. one party may be interested but the other may not.. but yet no one voiced out anything and the matter get worse as days goes by.. One moment he is interested while another moment he practically distanced away. How sad to get to know people like that.. bringing hopes up and crash their dreams with just a snap of the finger. I just can't help it but be upset.



An ironic incident happened today.. left me hanging there not knowing what is actually happening or what actually everything means.. One moment this the other that.. Boy am i confused.. but should i let this affect me? I really have no idea but to wait and see..



I find that everything around me affects me a lot seriously. Even Jasmine commented that i am so sensitive and feel so much around me.. I can't help it that i care for all that i know of.. I am not always a mean bitch ok..



I am fun to be with or rather i wanna be a fun person to be with.. Hope it really is haha

as requested... the ugly pic

Finally managed to sort out everything between us..



felt better :)



*hugz*

after everything that has happened..



it falls down to one sentence..



"maybe that's the way u deal with ur life"

Just smsed him just now.. he told me he v tired and when he reach home he wanna go and sleep already. Asked me if i mind... all i can tell him is that.. is there a difference?? If i dun meet him or what, i dun see if there is a difference if i talk to him or not..



Den i said that there is still ten more days till we meet what.. his reply was "Ya i know.. Hehe.." He my ass la.. serious wtf right?? sound so happy that these few days he can dun meet me.. fucking disappointed man.. let me emphasize on da work fucking man.. __



He den said, "you dun wanna rest too meh?? i tot tt time u also asked for it.." Blardy hell.. i told him break better dun waste time and make me miserable waiting for him.. Not everyone likes to be separated from their love ones.. its worse when the one you love give u a period not to meet..



I somemore said to him.. since like that den dun regret if some guy ask me to go out.. Besides, he said that i can have my own guy friends also..



He den replied me to ask if i wanna watch twin effect 2 with him.. HELLO! am i stupid?? do u need to change the topic and expect me not to realise and be reallllllllllll happy that u wanna go out with me?? PUHLEASE! Now u know right! when i was with u right from the start, i nv contact guys.. know new guys.. or go out with them.. U have never appreciated what i did for u.. i was always by ur side.. letting u know that i wun run away or leave u alone.. It was very upsetting when u left me standing there just like that.. hint hint = sharon's chalet tt time.. Just reminds me of the times when i was with HQ.. how he just walk away and leave me there like that..



So now u know.. i can run.. i can hide.. and if i wanna do it.. there is nothing u can do to stop it.. u wanted all these.. i would still be v loving and devoted to u until u asked for it.. treating me like dirt and knowing that u treat me like that.. u still continue to treat me like that..



Some people might wonder.. why am i condemning my bf like that.. well everything i said was everything that has happened. I find that blogging is the onl way for me to relief all my stress and hurt. I can't pour my troubles to him.. instead of listening and comfort me, he only know that its my fault or say "who ask u to ...." or say "u always think u are v great la".. eeh fuck.. as if i am not upset enough.. I can't pour out to the person who is my so called bf den who?? Married le how?? i tink i will kill myself sooner or later man..



He said he wanted the 2 weeks for HIM to rest and to think about our future. HE wanna rest for 2 week.. HE decide one lo.. HE just carry on.. and HE still like so happy abt it. den me le? *bang* dead ok? think about our future... hahahhahahhaha now already like tt.. still dare think of future meh?? U wan a future with me and yet u still like that.. I dun wanna marry someone who i need to protect and take care of.. instead of the other way ard..



Some people might think why am i still with him... I dunno.. maybe i just can't let go of something i took so much effort to build up.. Going thru everything with him right from the moment he go NS.. been thru his BMT with him and also when he first go PA for 6 mths of training.. Every night when he is in camp, i would be the one waiting for his call every night to let him know that altho he is alone in there, here i am still waiting and loving him.. wriggle my way into his life so that i can fit into his enviroment.. doing things that i have nv done before or is so not me.. been thru done that.. I still try my best to be part of it.. but when i ask him to accomodate to some of what i like to do, all he can say is that he not use to it or that its not what he wants to do and ask me to do it myself.



Its not that i can't do it myself.. just that i just hope that he could be more involved with what i do.. maybe my meaning of loving someone and his is just different.. den again.. Name me 10 things that are the same for us.. *rolls eyes*



To my da wu gui, thanks for being there for me these days chatting with me and all.. you really made me feel happier when we are working.. Thanks to you being so nice at first if not i think we would not have known each other.. looking forward tml.. Hope i call 4446 and u pick up so i can kajiao u.. :P

I did not have any dinner.. starving to death right now..



When i stand up to get a drink, i nearly blackout.



Kenny asked if i wanted to go out to eat.. am waiting for him.... waited v long already..



He said his parents are out and he does not have the car.. so we wait for the car.. but den if too late den he dun wanna come already as tml he works morning shift.



just wish that i hungry till i faint and pass out



den tml no need work and also make him realise that I can get sick and die also like the rest of da human species

well well it was proposed that we give each other 2 weeks break..



i wonder what will happen after two weeks...



sighx



hope everything is fine...



anyway i have taken part in the Singapore Face but i know confirm CMI. The height thing i fail already.. let's not talk about the size ok??? haha but i was given an average of 7.79/10 when i view it yesterday.. highest was only 8+/10.. guess its rather alright..



well see face only mah.. haha see everything den diff liao

My dream guy.. how should i describe him? Hmm.. let me see..



1) Firstly apprearance does matter but not to that extend. Pleasant looking to MY eyes would be just fine.. Does not need to look like Nick Carter or Prince William lol.



2) Must know how to give me a sense of security.. He needs to know how to protect me and encourage me in everything i do. To lend me a listening ear and not to critise me on everything tat i do or say thinks like, "yah la u always think u are the best la".



3) Able to spend quality time with me - Look! i said quality ok not quantity. I believe that if u really love someone, you will be happy to spend time with each other all the time and not go like, "I do not have to spend all my time with you"



4) To be there whenever he can to stand by me and not leave me alone to bear all the hurt and pressure alone. It is very important. I am a girl so as to say i do not wish to bear all the things alone if i have a so call boyfriend but all he does is to stand there and watch.



5) That i am the prettiest and of coz the best in his eyes.. If i love someone, I will love him for all the good things and accept his bad points. Even if it is bad, i will try to look at it in a good way. I will not say things to put him down.. unless he did it to me first of coz haha..



6) Never To flirt with other girls or to lie to me.. I don't care what the lie is about but a lie is still a lie. Don't give me crap like, "ooh if i tell u u confirm will anyhow think or be angry." Fuck it.. if i know it before u tell me, i make sure i will show u the worst of me.



7) Never let other people.. anyone! to bad mouth me and sit there and laugh along with them. Worse, to add more oil to the fire.



8) Most importantly, to love me with all his heart.



Why am i saying all these? I also dunno.. I just feel sad that out of the eight things that i have mentioned, only 3-4 is what i have.. I have already tried my best to fufil all eight of the things that i mentioned on my part.



Everytime i think about it, i will cry.. tears will just flow outta my eyes.. it sux.. Many people might think i am lucky that at least i did have something outta the 8 things but hey if u were to get a guy only 3/8 of the things u have mentioned, would i still consider him as the one for u? Am i still lying to myself that things will eventually turn out better? I really have no idea. I am really pinning all my hopes on it.



You know what's worse? lying to myself that things that i think are not true.. and that its all my fault.. that i am demanding.. but think abt it again.. i won't be if i have at least a bit of what i want. I would not think that way until SOMEONE said that i was demanding. Who the hell are u to label me that? do u even know me well? do you even know what's happening in my relationship? Don't think you will know everything just coz u see us often.. no you don't so STFU..



No one will know how it feels that when i need someone to talk to.. all i get is that i love to complain so much and that i always think i am right. Or that when i need someone to stand by me, he just disappears to one corner and i have to bear all the pressure myself. To be lied to and yet forgive coz your love is too strong.. Someone to tell you that he will company u to watch a certain programme but end up watching alone while he is playing his stupid game or just idling in front of the com..



Life is short.. I will spend my life to the fullest.. not to be some coward to let others step on my head. I know i am confident about myself and i am able to stand up for myself.. But i have my vunerable side too..



At times outta no reason i just start to cry.. i am starting to feel that i am really pathetic..

Today had a talk with dear on how i feel regarding the things that happened for the past few days. At times i think i am really too sensitive but maybe that is cause i have been thru enough therefore i am extra careful when it comes to relationships.



Nonetheless i love dear a lot.. always will try my best to forgive his silly mistakes but den again.. does not mean i am good to bully ok? Dear do something that bite me once, i make sure i bite him hard ten times more painful.



I know he love me a lot too but its just that he dunno how to express himself well only. Dear can be really sweet if he wants to.. We quarrel a lot yes.. but den we still care for each other.



I know u need your freedom.. i am trying.. don't u see i am spending quite some time with my friends already? I need time to learn but i dun wish for us to keep anything from each other.



Today i found out that some of my colleagues have become couples. 2 to be exact. I am so happy for them..



I was told abt this guy at my work place also.. I also feel he is extremely nice to me but den again with my attitude he dare come near me meh? also i always annoy him by mentioning kenny.. therefore conclusion is that.. if u dun give others the impression u are interested, they never will think otherwise..

A picture of me at the call centre in the afternoon.. tonight will be going for steamboat buffet to eat.. er.. confirm fatter after tonight! more pics for ya!

The group Pic! The pic is so blur.. makes me look like shit.. ooh well should not have pin up my hair :(

Mabel Da Jie and me!

Hazel and me!

The birthday girl Sandy!!

This is joseph! and me of coz..

This pic of me and Adrian is so blur!!

Me and Alvin!

Yawnx... Just woke up.. very tired now..

Going to the doctors soon that is why i woke up so late..

Ooh well later i will be going to work anyway..



Wondering how tonight will turn out. I bought Sandy a Forever Friends presents. Its so cute i love it so much! Hope we all have fun tonight... I shall eat and eat and eat again... bish.. always eat.

Just wanna show u a pic i took tt day with Carrie Chong.. Isn't she sweet!

New blog.. New look..

I am having mixed and complicated feelings now. I am angry + upset + pissed.



I dun even feel like meeting him today.. just wanna be alone seriously.. or maybe just dun wanna see him. The thought of him lying to me makes me fucking sick.

Anything he tells me are like lies.. Big fat fucking lies.. Tell me about it.. As if i do not have enough boyfriends in the past to cause me such agony. Fuck it..

Now i know what it is like to be stupid enough to trust anymore.



Example : Tried calling him once i reached home.. before he says i dun care abt him anymore. I called.. He cancelled my call. FINE! maybe press wrong.. so i called again..

Cancel again. In my head, I was thinking, " NB go out with one friend must hang up my call one meh? Which cb friend so impt that he can't even pick up my fucking call"

Everytime when i go out with him, having dinner, shopping, or whateva, he will be busy smsing someone. who? no fucking idea. All he can say is "friend".. Yea all his damn

friends no name one lo. Fine lo.. his friend his taiji.. next time i sms someone he better not ask me too. I got too many friends to mention names to him.



Nb when he ask me I have to tell him. When i ask him its just his FRIEND. blah whateva.



So he sms me say he watching movie with his friend. I was thinking, "NB watch movie nv bring me.. everytime i wanna watch movie i confirm will wait for him one lo. Next time i dun care already..

What he wanna do is his problem... blah blah blah I dun care.. I got other things to care abt.



Den he said he is with his friend Kelvin.."right who knows its some Lucy, Nancy or Amy." So i sms him back to say.. "Yea if it is a girl, ask her to go to the toilet to fuck herself"



Pissed ar.. but den again.. WHATEVA!!



I better get other things to do to make me busy... Woohoo name me some activities.. I really have no idea..



Not to forget. This guy in IRC nick B0ing. Pissing me off by trying to get my attention and telling me how much he "love me" and like me.. right...

Not interested.. seriously.. friends still ok.. i dunno u..



Ever since I've been transfered to CPF Main Office, I've known a few guys.. I can't help but feel that a certain guy there.. nah ah.. shall not name names.. not gonna mention which dept too, is trying to get my attention.

Please dun tell me its my wishful thinking. I know how to differenciate when it comes to such things ok.. His always like treating me so nice and all.. Way nicer than the other guys.. fine fine whateva.. my wishful thinking. I hope so too.. Don't want it to be real too.. haha

I feel like a stupid fool.. i really do.. kinda hurt.. its like a knife being stab into my heart. So painful.. i cried my heart out. I think i am damn stupid.. Being so naive and all.. Well maybe the problem lies with me.. I am borned to be lied to by my bfs.. how cool is that... everytime we quarrel it always seems like its my fault.. coz he is like Mr nice guy but no one knows what actually happened... Do u think i still dare to love someone anymore? i dunno.. dun wanna think already.. I hate those people who look upon us and still can label me as demanding.. If u dun know any shit between us, please keep ur blardy mouth shut. Morons. To him: I love u baby.. I always do.. I hope u are happy and dun regret what u did or say.. We shall see what will happen to us from now on.

Hmm.. read an interesting article today on kissing.. got this off streats papers on the 20/7/2004 written by Ms Janice Wong.



When a kiss is not a kiss



By Janice Wong



SIZE doesn’t matter, but too much saliva certainly does.



Just ask my leggy friend Shirley.



She has just struck a man off her to-see-again list after a bad kiss. Recalling with a wince, she said: “He was slobbering all over my chin like a dog.”



I was sympathetic. You would be, too, if you’ve had a boyfriend who had a vacuum cleaner for a mouth and who thought the whole point of kissing was to suck out your tonsils.



You don’t want to hurt his feelings by telling him that his kissing... er... sucks, so you tell him that you had a strict religious upbringing, are unaffectionate by nature and would much rather talk.



Kissers are like karaoke singers – the good ones don’t think they are good and the bad ones don’t think they are bad.



For me, the No 1 turnoff is smoking. It’s my deal-breaker. No matter how charming a man may be and how sparkling the dinner went, the moment he lights a cigarette, he can kiss our goodnight kiss goodbye.



I don’t see why a man cannot abstain from smoking when I can take pains to gargle and moisturise my lips with balm daily.



Sucking on minty sweets mitigates the situation a little, but the smoke still lingers in the breath somehow.



As far as food goes, avoid obvious no-nos such as garlic and durian. I also notice that dairy-based drinks such as milkshakes tend to leave a yucky film on the tongue. So sip an icy gin and tonic instead – it leaves a fresh, bittersweet taste.



But all that aside, it doesn’t get much worse than when a man asks a woman if he can kiss her.



If you have to ask, the answer is “no”.



The best French kiss is anticipated yet unexpected, shared by two persons who care about each other in a very special way.



It happens so naturally and imperceptibly, you don’t even need to think about how to do it right. Your heads tilt. You draw closer. Your lips lock. Your eyes close.



The kiss is slow and soft enough so that nobody feels violated, and ardent enough to convey longing and confidence.



The pace picks up until your toes tingle and your heart freefalls.



But before you let the tender moment overwhelm you, be sure you are prepared for the implications.



You can fudge air-kissing as culture, handholding as gallantry and a peck on the cheek as friendliness, but there is no such thing as a platonic French kiss, unless you are drunk, and even that is questionable.



Once you do the French thing, you are likely to have set certain expectations in terms of how special and physical the relationship is shaping up to be.



You’d also have crossed the lines of friendship, and – trust me – it is very difficult to get back there.



Besides French, there are many other pleasurable ways to pucker up.



Some like light, fluttering kisses. Others like a hungry kiss out of the blue.



Different strokes for different folks.



And don’t just confine smooching to the face. There’s the very erogenous neck and shoulder, the small of the back...



I could go on but, as a regular reader reminded me the other day, Streats is also read by the impressionable young – so we will stop right there.



-------------------------------



There you go.. i can't help but admit i realli do love to kiss. Muakx. Well not just anyone, but with that someone special. Kissing is something special.. It can make your heart beat real fast and sometimes it makes u feel shy and all. Haha thinking of it really puts a smile on my face. Tts all for now.. i guess. Off to dream abt kissing my special someone *wink* !

Costronic Sim Lim Square LvL 4 - Bad service, Bad attitude, Bad staff



tsktsktsk.... Can't believe it i actually bought so much things from there...Their after service sux...



First time i went back to them, I approached one of the staff to seek help. They told me to wait for 5 mins, which actually took 15 mins, for them to check for me what is wrong.



After waiting, they told me that i have to come back the next day as they are closing in 15 mins and he still got a lot more coms to attend to (wtf right?) So i asked one of the staff, i said, "nvm, i can wait.. how many more u got?" And the reply i got was, "ITS NONE OF UR BUSINESS" There is only 2 indian guys who are servcing the coms at the end of the shop. One always wears long sleeves with colour. That ass who gave me that reply was the other one who likes to wear shirts. I have a lot of personal insulting remarks to say abt him actually haha.... This is no way for customer service.. tell me abt it.. i know this more than any of them..



So, bo pian.. ok la one of the guy there, after me getting all angry and agitated, provided me some information on what is actually happening. So i left my com there and went back the next day to collect.



When i brought back the com, i can't fix the graphic card. My bf took it out and we found out that one part of it was not in place but still attached to the grahpic card. I was so blardy angry lo. How many times they want me to go back man.



So i went with a good friend of mine who knows quite a bit about computer. I showed it to him and he told me to go back ask them to change. There i was.. showing to this chinese guy if i am not wrong his name is gary. I was looking at it, and i told him one of the part is not in place, i even pointed it out to him where that is. One touch from him, the whole thing came off. I was like, "I told u already don't touch it is spoiled already. In my mind was more like, " you blardy fool, now u make spoil already how the f*** can i change man."



Anyway this fool likes to use cars as example. Don't come talk LJ with me.. If u can't fix my problem, don't make it worse.I spoke to the Boss. He told me that when i brought that thing over, it is already broken. Ask me don't talk NONSENSE and accuse his staff. Ooh well tt blardy fool being such a coward and all of coz deny that he broke it and push it to me...He even threaten me, wanting to review their video cam. I was like, "All the better, bring it on, i'll see what u have" In the end he gave some lame excuses again and din wanna show it to me.. awww....They keep on insisting on me making ANOTHER trip and i have to go to the distributor's place which is Ban Leong at kaki bukit. and i have to bear all charges even tt additional ones made by tt fool.My friend and i was like wth... attitude staff with a worse kind of boss.. no wonder i was wondering how they got that from...



Maybe i look young, maybe i am a girl but if u think i am easy to bully u better think twice. Poor me.. I am going to report this to the Consumer Association of Singapore and which ever organisation i can find. Even if I did not gain anything from this, I will let them be aware of what this company is. And also don't think we consumers are stupid enough to let u treat us this way. I am sure u guys out there heard a lot abt this "black" shop too.So people out there.. This is a warning for ya...



I am voicing out my opinion as a consumer and all these facts are true.. I am a true live example of what this shop actually does for their customers. If you don't believe u can ask that shop, it just happened a few days ago... of coz u can try it all u wan but dun say i din warn ya... *evil laughter*I am not trying to be mean, I wun be unless i get treated this way.

Haha one of the happiest day of my life! Weee... today i celebrated my birthday, 21st bday to be exact. I was having a BBQ at my house downstairs. Weee we had BBQ and Buffet too. And my Aunt bought me a v large Cake! Its a Key Shaped cake. I also recieved a lot of presents. Haha a few of my favs is a computer that was set up by my dear, My v good friend sharon who gave me the meteor garden 2 VCD set, and a hair curler and straighter set. Not to forget a new bottle of Miracle perfume bought by my aunt. I love all my presents. All of them!So happy that so many of them turned up at my party. Wee.. actual bday is on the 6th July. Wonder how will we be celebrating it.. muakx