Yours Truly, Emma.. the unpredictable girl in her unpredictable little world..

sometimes the more i get to know more about it the more i don't know wanna laugh or cry

someone left you... den you went and try to break another person's relationship

what a cycle

my life is like a channel 8 tv drama.

他妈的！

In the past i always tell myself if i am faithful, i guess my partner will respect me and be faithful too!! if i am not in a vicious cycle, then why is my life so miserable.

evil thoughts have been forming in my mind at times.. damn i should be using the time to study instead! but what the hell... i guess i am too upset..

I was told that i am a person with high expectation... well i mean as much as i hate to say it.. i am living in singapore, its a very competitive environment. if you don't aim higher you may fall behind. just like in school, i use to aim for A, den i get B or C. I still pass, and i nv get so upset cause B or C is still ok.. but if we always aim for borderline or pass, what if we fail.. u people get what i mean? sighx..

but i admit money is impt for me.. i mean please la its a fact in life.. i am not materialistic but come on face it. The thing with me is that, i nv expect my partner to be rich, or to earn a lot. If he earns lesser than me, it is fine. the reason is cause i aim a very high salary for myself. As long as he is financially stable himself and has a sensible mindset that savings are impt in life. It is good enough for me..

Its ok if my partner is not able to pay for my everything or give me a sup card to use for my shopping(like what most of my gfs have), if i have it wow its great but if not its fine too.. such things are bonus but most impt is our love for each other. Which girl don't like to be pampered by their bfs.. sighx..

As for me having high expectation, i do have le but not on my partner but for myself. you can say why stress myself so hard now.. if i don't and i start stressing when i am old, isn't it kinda late already... i study so hard.. fuck la degree is not easy ok.. i don't wanna work hard for a degree and end up my pay is like just slightly above 2k( what most fresh grads are getting now)? No way, lao niang already getting more den that as I know what i am good at and cause of me constantly reminding myself that i don't wanna grow old being poor or end up borrowing money from others, i have to work hard to get a good pay with my diploma now and when i get my degree, i can ask for more..

Sheesh i hope some good company can pay me $3.5k starting after i get my degree.. yes i am praying.. I guess i am lucky in a sense that among most of my friends, my pay is really not bad now already... More money = spending more! Serious! I am so afraid of applying for a credit card. I know i will not over spend but still i am afraid!

Thinking back when i was working in cpf, nv have i ever thought of applying for a credit card cause it seems too far away. Now i am trying to apply for a platinum card first.. wait till i can get my first gold card!! still so far away...

Where i am working now... i meet high flyers everyday.. when i was with him, nv have i ever like thought why can't he be like them earning so much, yet i am satisfied that he is happy with his job, i have never said it though.. what was running through my mind was rather that as long as he loves me, i am happy.. and its ok if i have to be the one earning and saving as well.. that's what want also.. Nv have i been tempted to like try and get to know any guys at my work place also.. nah i am not like that.. but i have been aiming to be a dealer in future, hoping to earn more so that my future will be better off.

some people just need a kick in the ass to motivate them to start thinking and do something about it.. guess they don't realised they need it and my words of motivation seems more like forcing instead.. I mean if a person did mention wanting to further his studies like 1 yr plus ago but is unable to decide. till date still deciding but yet din't bother to find out what courses are offering out there till i take the initiative too, would u do something about it as u thought the person just need someone to start him off or would u just leave it.

I guess constantly i am being misunderstood.. my intentions are all read the wrong way man..

Recently i helped one of our top remisier(an uncle la) apply a trading account for his client, this foreigner.. it was not easy as there was a lot of information missing and yet he wants the account to be open as soon as possible as he will be on leave soon.. I tried hard to "chase" other dept to expedite the case and monitor the account for him. I mean this is actually not in my job scope but since this uncle has been very nice to everyone, just help lo.. den today he came to my counter and wave a one million dollars cheque at me. he look so happy and thank me that i got him a One million dollar deal.. shessh.. how i wish it was mind instead and i won't be even getting anything out of this.. but i am glad that i could help.. One million le!!!!!!

I always thought the one who loves me, won't expect much from me.. accept the way i am.. i know i'm weird, i'm different from others, the things i like and want are different too.. i always speak my mind, i don't like to twist and turn cause i am the sort of girl who knows what i want and will work hard towards it.. I do have my attitude and that's what makes me different. That's what is special about me...

I know you don't like some bits of me but whatever that you do not like, I am constantly trying to improve.. and never have i complained why can't u accept me the way i am.. yet every thing you throw at me, every new things i discover about you everyday, be it good or bad, i will take in all and look at it on the good side. but i nv expect u to change for me. Maybe i could have said some things in a fit of shock and anger but if someone angered you, would u still laugh and kiss their ass? i doubt so, but u just don't get it.

Sometimes the more you think that the grass is greener on the other side, what if the otherside is a land of grave yard instead.

I have committed 200% into it, living each day as if it was the last, loving you as if i may not be able to already tomorrow. Everyone told me that they are expecting us to get married sooner or later.. yea i guess we did mentioned abt it that we maybe ROM the next year that's why we started saving..

but now all these are gone.. cause of someone *beep* ok people add in whatever you want. i have had enough using names on others.. sighx.. whatever happened to responsibility, faithfulness, and you know what...

By the way, i gotten my driving licence on 16th April 2007. My first attempt and i got 12 demerit points.. so heng le.. will take a pic of it later..

Sometimes i wonder if i should be what i am not.. when my parents give birth to me.. all along i have been the cute type.. although i have grown older, being cute sucks... but also i have never attempted to take sexy pic of myself.. i cannot imagine myself doing tt too, and worse i nv even wanna call myself sexy.. regardless of how many people tell me i am and should have confident in myself. I just want to be me.. maybe one day when i am ready to be like that den i will be.. but sometimes i wonder.. is it good to really be myself? sighx its confusing..

i guess every post from now on will be about me ranting about how hurt i will be
gosh when will this stop.. is there anyone that can save me? sighx